JAP Battle (Demo) Songtext
von Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

This is real deep beef from way back in the past
Deeper than I′ll put a foot up in the crack of your ass
Come on, let's do this
Your little pals can witness
How vicious
This Westchester alpha bitch is
I′m straight up malicious
A verbal curb stomper
Since we were toddlers
I've studied every chink in your armor
And between your folks' divorce and that haircut on ya
I′m really not sure which one′s the bigger shondeh

That means "disgrace"
I'm translating for the goys
Our life lines have been parallel like corduroys
But no, we′ll see whose bars will prevail
In this beef of two hard-as-nails shebrews from Scarsdale


We've got a conflict of interest
I′m about to give Levine the business
Spttin' venomous hate
Penetratin′ her defenses
It's a JAP Battle
A what? (A Jewish-American princess)
Rap battle (Daughters of privilege)
Spittin' mad flow (Find that term offensive?)
Too bad, yo
Oh snap, it′s a JAP battle rap

Look
Academically, you could never catch me
You were close, but no match scholastically
No how, no way, I put the OG
In 5.0 GPA

Well, speaking of which, are you AP graded?
′Cause these days, you look a bit heavily weighted
And all your book crackin' don′t make up for the fact
That I'm strapped with that killer instinct that you lack
Sweetheart, here′s what you're not understanding
I′m street smart

You mean 'cause you minored in urban planning?
Bitch, I know you
That tough act's a bluff
So sheket bevaka, shut the fuck up


Your temper, you lost it
Aw, cute
Like you′re gonna lose this lawsuit
But here′s one category where you have no rival
Blowing frat guys with your A. E. Pi-Hole

And I banged your hedge-fund manager fiancé
Back in college over winter holidays
Bathroom stall at the Matzo Ball and honestly, I gotta say
Really not hot at all
Small dick, rotten lay

(This is)
A JAP battle (Bane of my existence)
You're an asshole
From Golden′s Bridge
To North Castle
Wipe you off the map in this JAP battle rap

Bunch, you're a curse, you′re a blight
We were frenemies at first spite
Think your verse is tight?
Then you're trippin′ like Birthright
I'll wipe the mirth right off your fugly mug
And fill you full of slugs
Like a straight up thug

Uh, that word is racist
Someone oughta tell you
Like me
I belong to the ACLU

Spare me
I'm a card-carrying member
Plus, I spent a semester in Kenya, remember?
Well, I volunteered in Ghana
Well, I guess that makes us equal
Well, it′s settled then
We′re both cool with black people

'Cause we′re liberals
Duh
Progressive as hell
Though, of course, I support Israel

Audra, wait
We share so many traits
Should we shake hands and erase the hate
Created by our mothers pitting us against each other
For accolades and grades?
We were egged on like Seder plates

Nah
In summation, you left New York for this fuckin' shtetl
And now you′re like, "oh Audra, let's settle"
You wanna get salty like the dead sea?
Word
But call off this suit, or you′re dead, C-word